go away go away go away go away what can i do to make you go away
i fucking meditate every morning because that should help but how do you FUCKING let go of all your thoughts and images … like clouds dissolving in the sky… when your inner voices are indissoluble and MAKING YOU PANIC

i cannot even cry because i have no one to look at my red fat ugly crying face
and i cannot even call because there are no words only voices
and i cannot even write because
and i cannot complain because this is such a first world problem and i am privileged and no one died and it is all so stupid

and i cannot even lie about it anymore all the time so when someone asked how i was i said that i was not feeling too well and he replied oh do you have a cold and i said no it is more of a mental thing and he said oh you know i am a holistic therapist i know some things to make you feel happy and content


i want someone to come and save me but this is impossible
the someones are too far away and you can only save yourself anyway and i HATE that

i don’t know what to do there is sun i should go outside but it will take a day to make myself do so
and if i leave my room i don’t leave the voices so it does not make a difference anyway
go away leave my head because i cannot leave you go away go away go away go away go away go fucking away please

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