July 28th, 2018

we see the ferry leave
and take a seat on a metal bench
i feel myself falling in love as you talk about your parents and how they will support you till they die
cause that’s what sri lankans do
it’s my weakness, parents
i ask about your high school
i say america feels so surreal
it exists not only in stories and images – you actually live there and now you are here
and i cannot believe it
i lack the eloquence to explain this feeling properly
the sangria, the almond drink
in the corner of my eye i see the public toilet and i need to pee but i don’t go because i want to stay with you
falling in friendlove on a portugese bench
you say it breaks your heart when i say what it means to be female in physics
but for me it’s just an allergy, like your skin color is yours
we enter the last ferry and we ask if this is the one to lisbon
although honestly i wouldn’t mind ending up in a different place together
it would make a good story and a friendship
the ferry goes to lisbon though
i find a penny on my seat
later you would say you see meaning in everything and i wonder what this penny meant for you
we say the words: social construct, depression, mindblown, monogamy, family, sad
again i urge for eloquence
damn english (okay and sangria and almond drink)
i say it breaks my heart when you tell you are a confident person except when with guys
not guyfriends – i like that new word – but you know, nice guys
you become smaller and only recently you realised this is because you are not normal
i frown at ‘not normal’ and immediately regret it because i should listen god damn
for a guy to be with you is to be with a big brown girl
i wish i could say something
i wish i could do something
you walk me to the train station
the words are: meditation, brother, meaning, thoughts
i am glad our hug is real
(20 seconds for oxytocin!)
the last train is full of drunk guys and police
i stare
i postpone the crying till tomorrow

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